happyjen85's Xanga

stop trying to change us.

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 08:02:47 GMT

girls hear boys whining about it all the time. their girlfriends can't accept that they're seemingly uncaring slobs who forget anniversaries/birthdays, and hate the opera, and are always trying to mold them into metrosexual, preppy patrons of the arts. the girls say they're attracted to the guys because of who they are, but their actions completely contradict this claim!!! wah. seriously.

guys complain all the time about how girls don't really like them, but are merely trying to mold their clay bodies and attitudes into what they want them to be. they don't want to be their girlfriends' pet projects anymore! but has anyone considered that guys do the very same thing to girls? do you hear girls complaining about it? less likely. well, i'm going to do it in this post. why? because i'm tired of guys being into me for certain qualities, then pressuring me to give those up. they say they like me because i'm independent, low drama, have my own scheduled obligations and friend outings, and that i'm real, and won't bullshit them if they're being an idiot. OH? REALLY?

jennlin issue #1: guys want to make me more of a damsel in distress.

exhibit A: i tell a guy i'd recently started seeing that i hate it when guys coddle me. he said he understood. apparently he didn't, because he REFUSES to let me pay. even after my angry insistence that i like to pay half the time. he also always opens my car door. yes, i sound like a bitch for saying this, but he doesn't ever let me open my own car door. even if it takes an EXTRA long time to go anywhere, and is completely impractical. he parked next to a fire hydrant across the street from my house so that i wouldn't just jump into his car. he parked the car, and blocked my way, so he could open my car door. are you serious? and when i reach over to open the door for him, he freaks out and practically yells at me for doing it. i think his exact wording was "a man's only real purpose in life is to be good to women". allow me to roll my eyes, and put you on call block.

jennlin issue #2: guys want me to be more clingy (WHAT? for real??)

exhibit B: i meet dude at happy hour. we go on a few dates (like 3). he says he wants to go to sushi in alameda, but there has to be a night where we're both not working. we plan for a saturday, but come friday night, my boss decides he needs me to work saturday, which was a possibility i'd already warned him about. i send the following text message: "hey. my boss wants me to work tomorrow. i'm sorry"(7pm) he responds immediately with "that's fine. we'll go another night". i put my phone away and continue my friday night shift, which ends at 2am. after work, i view my phone to see the following messages: "...uh... ok then"(10pm). "umm... goodnight? whatever" (11pm). confused to why he'd send me such random messages, i go home and don't even think twice about it. sunday night rolls along, and he calls me on my way home from a meeting. the conversation goes as follows:

me: hey what's up?
clingy dude: ...i dunno, what's up with you?!
me: nothing much. driving home from a meeting.
clingy dude: ...so why didn't you send a text message back the other night??
me: on friday? uh... i dunno i didn't think i needed to. i thought it was a "rhetorical" text.
clingy dude: whatever. you didn't even call me yesterday!
me: umm... yeah. i don't really have the time to call you everyday, or hang out everyday.
clingy dude: YEAH but how long does it take to return a text message?! 2 seconds?!
me: i didn't think the text message warranted a response!
clingy dude: it would have taken you no time to be considerate!
me: i have to do something right now. i'll talk to you later.

now, if i was in something seriously i might be down for more clingy behavior. however, this was 1.5 weeks after meeting him, and we could barely even classified as "dating". needless to say, we never went on that sushi night.

jennlin issue #3: guys want me to laugh at their stupid jokes. aka, guys want me to accept their jackassness.

exhibit A (again): his jokes aren't funny. he retells my favorite episodes of south park. you idiot. i already know what happens. obviously you missed the funniest parts, and are retelling the stupid ones. you apparently didn't get the most awesome humor. you're ruining my favorite show, you fucking jackass. here are two somewhat related conversations we had at the millbrae art and wine festival:

him: wendy testaburger is lame.
me: i don't think so. she's smart, and fairly mature, though she has her moments of ridiculousness. she likes stan still, even though he's always puking on her.
him: whatever! she's lame!
me: well, i think if there's any character in south park who's like me, it would be wendy.
him: WENDY IS LAME! from now on, every time something is lame, i'm going to say "that's so wendy!"
me: <stare down at my food, in order to ignore the huge jackass sitting next to me>

me: ooh a sweater made from baby alpaca wool. looks soft.
him: are you serious?! it looks like something eleanor roosevelt would wear!
me: <silence>
him: obviously you're not a history buff.
me: actually, i am. i just never paid attention to her wardrobe.
him: well, i said it because it looked like something an old person would wear, and she was old back then, and now she's DEAD, making her even older.
me: <silence, while distracting myself with the craft booths>
him: did that fly above your head, WENDY??
me: no. it just wasn't a good joke.
him: <deeply hurt silence>

on the car ride back, we were talking about the show "drawn together". he insisted the name of the pokemon cartoon on the show was "chu", even after i told him i was ABSOLUTELY sure it was not. i couldn't remember the name, so i fucking let him win the argument. the cartoon's name is Ling Ling, jackass.

i should move on.

jennlin issue #4: guys want me to yell at them.

exhibits C-J: half the guys i've dated (not serious boyfriends). i don't like fights. if something someone says or does hurts me, or makes me angry, i'll first decide whether or not they're worth the trouble. if they are, i'll calmly tell them how i feel, and politely request an apology. guys don't like this. they'll actually progressively get worse in behavior in order to incite a reaction from me. usually by then, i'll decide they're indeed, not worth the trouble. however, sometimes i wont, and they'll make me angry to the point where i'll yell just a little bit. after that, they seem happy to have gotten what they want, and the issue is resolved. is it stupid? totally. do i tolerate it? definitely not. if this is the case, i'll decide they're not worth the trouble. yes, i'm glad you caught that. the result is the same for these drama loving assholes. the curb is their friend. i mean, seriously? do we have to fight? can't i just cook you dinner and we watch a movie?

ok venting is done. i'm not changing who i am in order to be like the other girls. i actually have a very simple solution for all you boys who want me to be like them! GO DATE THEM INSTEAD.

why i don't want to quit smoking.

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 18:13:15 GMT

since everyone else is doing it... and you may recognize some of the points. i've written about this before...

i've been smoking, on and off (mostly off), since i was 15. i turn 24 next month. i've never had a problem quitting, as long as it was what i wanted to do, and not something someone was trying to force on me. nonsmokers think that smokers smoke to look cool. or because they're addicted!!! OMG! neither for me. i smoke for one reason.

it's my only break. granted, i smoke very minimally... 1 or 2 a day, and about 3 days out of each week. however, when i do smoke, it's usually because i want to escape the situation i'm in, or i want a break from my silly girl issues. i suffer from anxiety, and when out socializing with my friends, it sometimes becomes too much. an easy solution to the problem is to step outside for a smoke, without everyone obnoxiously asking if i'm ok, or if i'm a snotty bitch.

aside from that, the cigarettes calm me down. i focus on my breathing, stare at the bright cherry working its way up, and listen to the faint crackling of the paper. when i'm smoking, my issues are on hold. i'm aware that i can achieve this with yoga or meditation, but right now, this is what works for me.

i won't smoke for the rest of my life. i also won't date a smoker, and won't be the smoker a nonsmoker dates... if that makes any sense... so i guess being in a relationship will get me to quit. maybe i'll just find another outlet. being a smoker is not something i am proud of, but it's something i am.

What i want in a man.

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 01:14:14 GMT

**SHALLOW ALERT** this is a warning that the following post may be extremely shallow... and egotistical.

hi everybody. it's your resident maneater here. hope everyone is having a good weekend.

i've recently had an epiphany. i know what i want in a significant other. WOW, really? after a hundred sleepless nights about who mr. right is, i finally know?

yes. it came to me while i was trying to figure out, for the umpteenth time, why i didn't want to enter a relationship with the current nice guy. you see, they're wrong when they say girls only like assholes. well, they're not wrong, but that's certainly not the reason... at least for me, and probably many other good women.

see, i don't like assholes. i've dated a few of them, and i much prefer the stereotypical "nice guy". however, i grow tired of mr. nice guy, and seem to go through them faster than tissues when i'm sick. is it really because i want an asshole, who will treat me like shit and make me cry?

no. the answer is much simpler than that:

I WANT MY EQUAL.

you see, when someone tries to talk up and get me to date their friend and they say their friend is the "nicest guy i've ever known", i grow wary. if the best adjective you can use to describe your friend is "nice", they must not have any other outstanding qualities. you see, people who are fun, funny, and charming as their most outstanding quality can ALL ALSO BE NICE. yes, it's true. not only are they nice, but they're interesting too.

someone who is described as a "nice guy" or "nice girl" usually means one of two things; either they are socially awkward and shy, or they lack an interesting personality.

what i actually want is my equal. seriously. why would a guy want to date a girl like me?

let's brainstorm.

first off, i have many crowdpleasing talents. the karaoke box is my friend, and i get outrageous with the combination dance moves and vocals. people like that. i also cook, and make a mean mojito. if i were to describe my best qualities, i would say that i'm charming and caring. also, with my looks, i'm just good looking enough, while not being intimidating in the slightest. with all these combined, when a guy brings me to a party, it's safe to say that at least one person at the party will be jealous. (i DID give you all a shallow and ego warning.)

so that's the kind of guy that i want. i want someone who's good looking, charming, and has fun talents and qualities, while not being a jerk. really fun, and not an asshole. sarcasm and sass, but not douche.

because that's what i am. sass, but not bitch. find me one of those...

we operate along such thin lines.

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 21:56:16 GMT

last month, an old flame/now friend told me i had low self esteem. i told him my self esteem was just fine, which he countered by saying i was full of shit. he went on to say that i can never take a compliment, and that i always say i'm "just ok" at things that i'm amazing at. he said i was this way because i'm insecure.

i guess i should stop hanging out with assholes. either way, i didn't care that he thought that way about me, because he's wrong.

i don't have low self esteem. i have my insecurities, and self doubt... don't we all? i get nervous when people touch my bare arms, because i have bad skin there. i don't get on the dance floor because i feel stupid dancing, and i don't find it that fun. sometimes i kick myself for saying stupid things.

but as for not being able to take a compliment, and being modest about my strengths... what's wrong with that? aren't we taught at a young age to be modest? i had to take a step back last week and re-examine how i look at other people. i don't do anything that others don't. if someone tells me they're a supermodel, i might find them unattractive only because they don't meet the standard that i've set for supermodels. if someone tells me they're an awesome cook, then proceeds to overcook the salmon they serve me, i might scoff a little inside. if people are modest, their work shines through. if people brag about their work, i'm a little more critical. their ego should match their ability, and i judge must stricter with egos. i shouldn't do this. i understand that now.

anyway, there are many reasons why i can't take a compliment. the first is that i have hard standards for other people, and thus, have them for myself as well. i feel that others don't have high standards. any person who can hold a note without going off pitch receives a compliment on their voice. the cook of any thanksgiving feast will receive rave reviews from their guests, regardless of how fantastic it is. i feel that compliments don't mean much unless they're from a discerning critic, and they're heartfelt. i try not to give compliments to people just because it's the thing to do. if i compliment someone's turn at karaoke, or their artwork, it will be because i've seen greats, and they have the skill to fit in with them. others are not so picky with dishing out their compliments.

the second is that i never expect compliments. i don't sing, or cook, or bake, or... i dunno... play photohunt... for compliments. i do it because i love to do it. i love the way i feel when i do something, and do it right. afterwards, the compliments catch me off guard. i guess i should get used to it, because it's like clockwork for these people to feel obligated to say something to me, but i never do.

does anyone else feel this way? am i an asshole? sigh. maybe.

how to spot a liar (a step by step process)

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 22:40:21 GMT

we all lie. even the purest of hearts will find themselves in a situation where a fib is entirely appropriate. what i can't stand, though, are people who lie all the time, and for no apparent reason. typically, these people will try to talk themselves up as frequently as they can. i dunno if they're trying to overcompensate for their shortcomings, or they just love it when people fawn over how "great" they are, but once i find out they're lying, i'm usually a combination of disgusted and confused. sometimes the lies are subtle, and sometimes they're outrageous.

anyway, here's how to figure out if they're lying:

STEP ONE: actually listen. i know this is a stretch for some people, but it's a must when catching liars. listen to what they're saying. those of us who tell a lie every once in a while can keep tabs on the lie, since there's only one. people who lie all the time eventually lose track of what they say. sometimes things don't add up. either way, it's important to listen first. who knows? if they're not liars, you'll still benefit from step one by being a good friend =)

STEP TWO: add up the facts. after listening for a while, you'll start to notice plot holes. they might list far too many accomplishments than are possible in the time allotted. sometimes their actions will differ from what they say. if you listen hard enough, you'll catch that lie later. like i said, liars can't always keep track.

STEP THREE: check out their record. i had a bartending friend of mine weave a very elaborate lie about graduating from sjsu and attending santa clara university law school. seeing that the bar was so close to scu, the friend merely pieced together information he'd overheard over the years from actual law students, and delivered it as first hand experiences/knowledge. this included names of law professors, what their quirks were, traditions within the law program, etc. it was a lot of information that people took to assume he was actually in the program. turns out he'd never been to sjsu, he'd never been in the scu law program (obviously), and he wasn't even a high school graduate. how'd he get caught? easy. he was already known as a compulsive liar. once anybody got to know him at all, they realized he was full of shit. compulsive liars usually also come with friends who warn. they're not talking shit. they're being honest with you for a reason.

STEP FOUR: stop caring. either you stop hanging out with compulsive liars, or you learn to take what they say with a grain of salt. either way, their lies will not affect you.

not really a fan of liars, so i usually keep my encounters with them at a minimum. if anything, i feel sorry for them. everyone likes to feel important sometimes. it sucks they can't feel that way when they're honest with themselves, and with others.

when did women become the ones afraid of commitment?

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 00:29:04 GMT

when little girls are raised, they're warned of young men who will break their hearts. these men are only after one thing, young ladies, and once they get what they want, they'll be gone. aside from what's between your legs, they want your love and affection, without giving theirs in return. bastards!

well, it's 2009 now, and there has long been a change in the dynamics of courtship.

the new movie, (500) Days of Summer explores a boy meets girl courtship. the trailer firmly states that it isn't a love story. the writer of the screenplay even states in another video that every guy has had a Summer... a girl who makes him feel like all his problems are gone, but in the end, really only highlights his problems. i haven't actually seen the movie yet, so i guess i can write about this in its entirety in a week and a half, when it opens in san jose, but seeing the trailer got me thinking...

this... guy wants to be with girl forever... and the girl doesn't agree...

it's quite a recurring theme these days, isn't it?

when did women become the commitment phobes? what's with the role reversal? why can't we have the amazing, relationship guys with the amazing relationship girls, and have the commitment phobes date each other?

that's a silly question, jenn... let's examine my life (because my posts will inevitably always revolve around me):

jennlin ruins nice guys. somehow, the nice boys i date want to keep me forever. they tell their moms about me the first week, invite me on trips, and introduce me as their girlfriend... sometimes much too soon.

jennlin clashes with commitment phobes. i guess when everyone's beating around the bush and both parties are trying to keep the exit doors within reach, it becomes difficult to have real conversations. 2 guards being up means no one gets through to anybody, and that just doesn't make any sense.

so what's left? i guess meet mr right and sail off into the sunset, right?

wrong. this is not a love story.

queen of pet peeves.

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 21:07:51 GMT

i'm in a co-ed fraternity at school, and it's required for pledges to interview active members. they're typically standard questions, like "what was your dream job as a kid?", or "why did you pick your major?". one question i get a lot is: "what are your pet peeves?".

funny thing, though... i can never really think of them when asked the question. sorta like that "name 5 random facts about you" question. i get stumped. but there are tons of random facts about me! and... unfortunately... there are a ton of pet peeves that i'll never get rid of.

btw, the answer to the pet peeves questions is usually along the lines of: "...uh... i hate it when people use metal utensils in their nonstick pans. umm... when people use the wrong there/they're/their, or your and you're. hrmm... i guess that's it."

but there are much more serious offenses.

lactose intolerance... i have it. so do many of my peers. nothing wrong with that, right? what DOES piss me off, is when they call it "lactose". as in "i keep forgetting i'm lactose", or "you're lactose?". DUDE. lactose intolerance. meaning ANTI LACTOSE. as in my body cannot break down the sugar. that's like someone who is HIV positive saying they're human. stop that! TWO WORDS. LACTOSE INTOLERANT.

will add more later. like i said... i can never come up with it on the spot. =D

do not speak ill of the dead

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 19:28:18 GMT

my facebook is blowing up with status updates about how people are crying while watching the michael jackson tribute. while annoying to read 50 statuses in a row saying the same thing, if it's genuine, then right on.

personally, i believe that death is the best thing to happen to celebrities... just look at princess di, kurt cobain, heath ledger. they all died around their peaks, and we'll forever remember them at their best. they didn't really give themselves time to ruin their careers with a aging, or a long string of music/film flops.

MJ, on the other hand, had plenty of time to wreak havoc on his career. i'm not sure if any of the allegations were true, but he should have known after the first, that to avoid more, he'd have to change how he lived his life. obviously, he didn't. maybe he didn't care, or maybe the allegations were true and he couldn't stop. there's no way for any of us to know for absolute sure. even if the allegations never existed, his obsession with appearances and plastic surgery was sick. if anyone else had the same obsession, and looked the same way he did, we would say the same about them.

but now, all is forgiven, and he's an icon again. i'm fine with having a tribute to a fantastic musical artist, and dancer... and his influence on fashion and pop culture. i do love MJ songs. i disagree with the stance everyone is taking on michael jackson, though.

let me copy paste some facebook statuses for y'all

#1: "We don't have to reconcile the Michael Jackson we love with another Michael Jackson. In a way, he has returned to pristine condition in death. We can be free now for the rest of our lives to love the Michael Jackson we used to love." John Mayer

while i'm sure it's much easier to quote john mayer, whose demeanor and opinions have proven to be well respected <cue sarcasm>, i hate the notion that after death, all of our sins and shortcomings are forgotten. an asshole is still an asshole after being dragged by a truck on his skateboard, losing his balance, and splitting his brain in half on the pavement. (this was actually a guy i knew my freshman year in the dorms. and yes, everyone had great things to say about him, even though the year i knew him, i couldn't find one good quality about him).

#2: "fuck all the haters who tortured him with their hateful words while he was alive. "not just the king of pop...the greatest entertainer that EVER lived." RIP michael ♥"

wow, so hater tortured him with hateful words. it's their fault? i think he did it to himself. not only are you going to excuse him for his bad behavior, but you're going to blame his categorization within the freak organization on EVERYONE ELSE? please.

i can feel hate comments brewing. sigh.

hi all.

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 07:24:13 GMT

so it's officially been a week since i've left hawaii. what have i been doing? 2 days (and counting) of job hunting/useless application filling, 2 nights of drunken "fun", a few days of bummin, and one emo day. hooray for the occasional emo day.

here are my thoughts...

restaurants aren't hiring. in fact, 3/4 of the restaurants i've inquired about employment in don't even carry applications anymore. zing!

i miss the ocean. not the crazy "big beach" waves and big breaks, but the calm, relaxing, float and enjoy the waves ocean. and santa cruz is not an option... the water's always freezing.

my pictures aren't uploaded yet. i'm lazy.

i've realized that during my emo day, i shoulda written a song or two, instead of wasting it in bed, and listening to other peoples' music. too bad. this is all i came up with:

"does the breeze crave the sea?
a separate entity
but the waves show the chance
that the two still can dance"

not so bueno, but whatev. don't care.

i'm hitting up the MATEO show at the roxy this saturday! WHEE so excited! bought the tickets already, and everything! best $10 (plus 44 cent processing fee) i've ever spent! ...i hope.

the timing of my fortune cookie... terrible! hehe. jk. i'm back on the upswing.

that's all. kthxbye

seeing the sun rise 7 days in a row.

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 14:23:51 GMT

if you've been reading my blog even semi-devoutly, you already know that i have an obsession with the night sky. no, not so much the stars or the moon, though i have been awestruck by them on occasion. rather, i'm mesmerized by the varied color, tone and brightness the deep blue sky brings. that particular color/tone/brightness is specific to that particular night, and if i don't look up and stare, i'll go for the rest of my life without seeing the sky the way it is that evening.

now, if you just read that and think i'm a nutcase, you're probably right. i don't care. and no, i'm not trying to appeal to those who love deep, poetry writing artsy fartsy girls... trust me, that's not me. i just want you to notice the night sky, and realize that nowhere else in your life will you see that particular color.

if you're now going to ask me where my pictures are, you should know me better. the camera (or mine, at least) would never be able to capture the glowing vibrance.

moving on,

being that it's summer break for me, and that my friends love to laze all day and stay up all night, i've been watching the sun rise before bed for the past week. i think i've always preferred the sunrise to sunset. i think it's the mood it brings. the sunset is ripe with warm colors, finishing with a calming and soothing, while starting with a dramatic bang. the sunrise is filled with the same amount of emotion, but much calmer. the soundtrack of the sunrise starts with chimes, is joined with the soft and sustain pedal of a grand piano, and finishes with the sultry drag of the cello bow. no clashing symbols, like in the sunset, and no switch from major to minor.

ok, so that was a wee bit artsy fartsy poetic. i'm not perfect, you know...